The Erotic Ego











{March 30, 2009}   Dirty Old Lady

I may have mentioned already that Ruthie is moving…we’re gonna miss ya girl!  Anyway, as her parting gift, Ruthie left me most of her porn collection, many of which are classic VHS tapes that she purchased for $.50 each from a video rental store that went under.  Unfortunately in this case, I don’t own a TV or a VCR.  I just watch DVDs on my computer every now and then.  Some of the tapes I’ve pawned off on Silver (that’s why they were in her backpack), and the rest of them I just threw in the trunk of my car, hoping my 6 year old wouldn’t find them.

“Throwing shit in the trunk of my car” has become a pathological ailment with me.  I put stuff in, I forget that it’s there, and then one day I open the trunk and find it again.  I’m notorious for hauling books, recycling, and random sundries around for weeks on end.

Well, now I’m hauling around a broken Roland keyboard, a box of recycled law books, and a shitload of old porn VHS tapes.  I had forgotten about the porn until yesterday.

I went to the grocery store, and in an unusual fit of laziness, decided to let the bag boy accompany me to my car.  He was probably about 15 or 16 years old, and clearly not a social butterfly.  He followed me to my car with my groceries, I popped the trunk, and THEN I remembered that I was carrying around a small video store full of porn.

“Shit!”  I said to myself.  “I have got to remember to clean the trunk out!”  His eyes got as big as saucers, and his pimpled lips gasped in astonishment…this probably seemed like gold at the end of the rainbow to him.  I kept a straight face, though, and in fact reverted to my college teacher demeanor.

“Is there a problem young man?”  He shook his head no.  I pointed toward the groceries and motioned him to put them in the trunk.

“I’m not sure there’s enough room,” he said meekly.

“Yea, my husband and his broken keyboard…he won’t get rid of anything.”  I slammed the trunk shut, and opened the Saturn’s tiny third door.  “Just fill up the back seat then, young man, and make it quick…I’m late for a date with my girlfriend.”



prisonteacher says:

Oh–I’m laughing so loud!

E, you’re too much. That poor kid–you were almost cruel. But I laughed nonetheless.



eroticego says:

I know, it was cruel…but I tend to not have much sympathy for teenage boys. In fact, I’m all for sending them all off to extended Summer Camp on the Moon, until they can return as mature, male citizens :)



I must admit your college teacher demeanor can be quite disconcerting. I personally think it would do teenage boys some good to realize that “older” chicks like to get laid too…but then again I have some fond memories of a few teenage boys I knew back in my bad old days as an adolescent.



eroticego says:

You will have to tell sometime! I’m scared to write about teenage boys from my adolescence, as there was really only one…and we’re good friends now, so I hate to rub it in his face that he convinced me to start looking at chicks. Oh, and he’s a high powered political consultant in Washington, so I also need to practice DISCRETION. I can spell it better than I can practice it :)



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