So Joe vanished for a few days, and the next thing I know THIS shows up in my in-box!  I was like, “Wait a minute…I know that nipple…I know that tattoo!”  Silver, would you care to explain yourself?  What’s Joe doing squeezing your nipples?

My husband demands that his doll be returned fully clothed and with his dignity intact!

Historically, a sculpted bust of a woman didn’t include the full boobs, but in Seven’s case, I guess it was too tempting!  Think Barbie would be jealous if I added this to my collection?

So I was driving in my car today and couldn’t believe my ears when they started reporting a news story about Jack Ryan, creator of Barbie, being a full blown swinger who threw orgies at his house!  Right on!  And the inspiration for Ken, was in fact secretly gay!  And humilated to have an anatomically incorrect doll named after him.  This is all from a book titled ‘Toy Monster: The Big, Bad World of Mattel‘ that won’t even hit shelves until next month!

As I hinted in the past, I’ve always had a problem with Barbie from my “feminist” point of view, and now the truth comes out that:  “When Jack talked about creating Barbie . . . it was like listening to somebody talk about a sexual episode, almost like listening to a sexual pervert . . .”  I mean, I’m all for kinky sex and orgies if that’s what you’re into but it sounds to me that this guy was a womanizer and that was the spirit in which Barbie was created.  How many boob jobs have been performed on women who were programmed subliminally by the shape of their beloved Barbie dolls?!

I for one, am still keeping Barbie out of my house…I’ll take the real, anatomically correct women any day

I decided to pull this gem out of the comments and give it more prominence…as it truly is one of the most delightfully twisted things I’ve ever seen!  Thanks, dear Ruthie, for calling this one to our attention!  After seeing this, I’m now convinced that Barbie can act better than Paris Hilton!  And Ken?…well, just wait and see how much cum his little plastic body can spew.  It’s impressive!

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/386922/trisfe_pornografia/

My husband and I had fun with the dolls the other night:

Holiday 2007 Barbie was a new acquisition, so Ken inducted her into the harem by lifting up her satin gown and ass-fucking her.  By the look on her face, she didn’t seem to mind.  Who wouldn’t mind after being stuck in a box for an entire year?

Look at that dexterity!!!!  How many guys can plow a gal from behind, while looking at his own behind?  “Don’t try this at home, kiddies!”

“Oh Ken, fuck me hard, baby!”

Malibu Babie got jealous, and demanded some action for herself!  Poor Ken…it’s rough being the only cock in this doll house!

“Look, Ma!  No hands!”

See everyone, THIS is the kind of shit you can do if you study yoga!

It dissolved into a threesome very quickly once the Bride joined the action.  Ken’s wearing down by this point, so being on bottom suited him just fine.  Malibu, however, looks like she could go all night.

And in fact, she did go all night once the Bride started licking.  You guys just knew I was going to put the chicks together sooner or later, right?

Ken decided to sit this one out.

I guess I should have known from all the stories of E’s wild Barbie play that if I gave her a plastic penis it would be all over.  Yet still, I wandered over to the “dirty sex store” and picked out a big beautiful purple silicone penis just for her.  When I saw it hanging there on the rack, all alone, I knew she would look oh so hot in purple.

So one night at the Bachelor Pad I presented it to her and she smiled wickedly.  I could tell she knew exactly what she was going to do with it.  I helped her adjust the harness and secure her new cock in place.  I wish I could describe exactly how beautiful she looked weilding that purple penis.  The black leather harness has a silver butterfly just over the spot where the cock goes, a little touch of feminine for the girls who like to strap it on.

As gorgeous and graceful as she looked, Mistress E could not resist letting her inner man take over.  She put her hands on her hips and started waving it around.  “I just don’t know how men get anything done with these things, if I had one I’d be playing with it all the time.”  She grabbed hold of it and starting spraying imaginary pee, “And I’d piss every where too.  How fun it would be to write my name!  Too bad The Batchelor’s not here, I’d joust him!”

I watched her from the bed, horrified.  “Um, E, could you just fuck me please?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry Silver.”

At least there is one good thing about having a girl friend who loves to strap it on, I get to take her cock home with me and play with it whenever I want.

(I got inspired for this one after my daughter told me a few weeks ago that I play better after I’ve had some champagne.  Yea, she asked her father to go buy me a bottle so that I’d play Barbies with her!  Go figure!)

Daughter:  Mommy, can I fill your glass up for ya?

Mommy:  No baby (hiccup)…I’m good!  Now which Barbie am I playing with again?  They’re all starting to look alike, these blond bitches!

Daughter:  You’re Malibu Barbie, and you’ve just come back from the ball at the castle.

Mommy:  So I probably need to change clothes, right?  Woohoo!  Let’s get naked, Barbie!

Daughter:  Mom, stop playing with her boobies!  No, she doesn’t need to change clothes AGAIN.  Play right!

Mommy:  I AM playing right.  I thought the whole point was to change their clothes.  I mean really, they can’t sit around chatting about physics can they?  Where’s Ken?  Let’s see how he looks in drag!

Daughter:  Dad, she’s not playing right!!  Bring her some more champagne!  Now listen, you just came back from the ball, and Ken’s your prince.

Mommy:  “He’s not my type!”  Yea, you go Malibu!  Ken’s a sissy!  We wants ourselves a big, black Man Barbie…yea, one that actually has genitals!  Fuck Ken!

Daughter:  Dad!  Mommy said fuck again!  She knows she’s not supposed to say fuck, cause fuck is a bad word, and fuck can get you in big trouble at school!  So make her play right!

Mommy:  “Yea, Ken, you know you want it up the ass, don’t ya?”  “Stop teasing me, Malibu!”  “Come on and whine some more, sissy boy!”  “Take that!”  “No, you take that!”  Whoa…watch them go at it!  Damn, if Ken had genitals, she would have just kicked his nuts clean up into his throat.  I love playing Barbies!