Gay Bathroom Sex

So I’m working on a couple of stories, and I have to admit that all my characters who are having sex are gay men. Last night, in fact, I wrote the first sex scene in one story, and it had my two male protagonists kissing in the men’s room. They almost had sex, but one backed out, leaving the other one to jerk off on the urinal cake. Now, I’m a 50 something bisexual woman, so I know a little about bathroom sex with other women, but I really don’t know jack shit about what gay men are going to do in a bathroom. (I never trust what I see in porn either.) And yet I keep speculating about it.

I mean, where do you whack off in a men’s room? Do you go in the stall, or the urinal? Do you wait until no one’s in there, or is having someone in there the point? Who knows. I’d do research in person, but would probably freak guys out cause I look like someone’s cute 50 something mom. So lacking solid evidence, I’m just going with what my inner gay guy would do. He’s a redneck with a mullet and a big dick.

He follows his love interest (who has just soiled a dress shirt with red jelly) into the men’s room. Their eyes lock during the stain removal process, and they kiss. The love interest is kind of a tight ass FBI agent (long story), so he backs away with the classic “Not here”, leaving our redneck hero with a hard-on at the urinal. He goes ahead and jerks off, aiming for the urinal cake. Rather than thinking about male figure skaters during the whacking, he thinks about his FBI agent. Romantic.

That all seems totally realistic, right?

bathroom sex, Dirty old lady, Gay sex, Story ideas, Urinal cake, Urinals

All Horny and No Where to Go

Here’s what sucks about polyamory…with two households that contain small kids, Silver and I are frequently in the bind of having no where to fuck.  When the weather is warmer, we’re out in the van.  We’ve gone to hotels…we’ve used other people’s houses…we’ve groped in public restrooms.  All that is fine and good, but I think her and would both agree that, after a while, it gets tiring to have to constantly look for a place to have sex.  I guess this is what teenagers have to deal with all the time 🙂

Last night we went out on the town.  She was all dressed up in black pants and a frilly top.  Under the frilly top was a new bra!  I get excited over new bras.  My first plan was to go to the lingerie store, and take over the corset changing room for about 20 minutes.  But alas, the store was closed!  Thwarted!

We drive over to the hookah bar (every town needs one of those) and start looking for a quiet corner over there.  All of the private areas were taken.  We threw our coats down on a large snuggle couch, and upon returning from the bar, discovered two horny 20-somethings had taken our couch.  Thwarted!  So we ended up on a couch in the middle of the room…across from two lesbians who were out with their chihuahua.  (Silver, if we ever go lesbian, let’s not buy a chihuahua and take it to bars with us…that just seemed tacky!  K?)

After groping on the couch for a while, we moved to the restroom.  Here I got a peek at the new bra!  We kissed a while and made a plan to make out in the car before another woman walked in on us.

We moved the car over to a remote parking lot behind the coffee shop where Silver works.  I’m always a bit nervous about getting spotted in the car, but Silver assured me that she knew the cops on this beat rather well.  “I’ll just offer to give them free coffee if they catch us, ” she said.

The van is SO much better for making out.  My car is a little Saturn stick shift.  We start kissing.  The emergency break got in the way.  I’m groping her breasts, and all the layers of winter clothing get in the way.  We couldn’t even find my crotch under the coat and thick corduroy pants that I was wearing!  So then the plan became that we’d just kiss for a while, as warm-up, and then each run home and fuck our husbands silly.

Again, the Universe was thwarting us last night…her husband ended up being doped up on cough syrup and mine was deep in the bowels of a grad school paper due Monday.  Silver, I hope you at least broke out the chick rocket or my purple penis.  I, for one, am taking an early lunch and heading to the steam room!  Look at James!

Phone sex at the beach

Being the sexy genius that she is, Silver gave me a great idea today.  You see, I’m getting ready to leave for a family reunion at the beach, so I’ll be several days with no internet…and feeling like I’m stuck in a Brady Bunch episode.  My family doesn’t know that I’m bisexual OR polyamorous.  As far as they’re concerned, I’m just a raunchy mom who teaches teaches writing, plays cello, and does weird “hippie things.”  Little do they know that I’m a rockin’ sex blogger with a pagan girlfriend!

Silver suggested I sneak off for cell phone sex whilst at the beach, and I think that’s a marvelous idea!  I was thinking of sneaking off to the bathroom periodically in my Victoria Secret bikini.  My family is very clannish and tends to stick together like peanut butter, but it’s perfectly acceptable to claim “lengthy shit” time in the toilet.  That should give me just enough time to get Silver on the phone, and relay the naughty thoughts that won’t have an outlet any other way.

Now if I can just find a way to get my husband alone to lick chocolate Reddi-Whip off his dick, then I’ll be set.  Yes, Lollie, I have you to thank for that one 🙂

By the way, if anyone is looking for Granola Girl, I’ve got her locked in a mason jar for the week.  I caught her ripping up my panty hose while preaching about the evils of crotch sweat.  So, I jarred her and gave her a joint to work on while I’m away.  She’ll be fine really…I put nail holes in the lid.

Sex with Myself in Unusual Locations

After Silver’s post about sex in unusual locations, I started thinking about where all I’ve done it, etc.  It occurred to me, though, that my list of “unusual locations” mainly centered around places where I’ve masturbated.  You can be so much more discrete by yourself!  I’m also like the female equivalent of premature ejaculation; I can whack off in a minute.  Fortunately, unlike many of my male brethren, I can keep whacking off over and over again!

I’ve masturbated in the same sauna that Silver and I were in the other day.  I’ve occasionally closed the shower curtain in that same locker room and done it there, too.  I’ve also hit:

1)    A yoga ashram

2)    Many coffee shop bathrooms

3)    Public hot tubs

4)    Hiking trails

5)    Movie theatres (cliché, I know)

6)    Spas (once while my face mask was drying during a facial)

7)    Sex toy stores

8)    A few libraries

9)    30^th floor of a Manhattan office building (on Wall Street in fact)

10) A science lab

The list goes on and on, but you may notice a trend in that I gravitate towards my places of employment.  It helps me focus, and is much healthier than coffee!  My current favorite is the college rest room where I work.  I can start an exam, dash to the potty, and be back in my chair before anyone knows that I’ve left.  Wanna see?  Ok, hang on…

(elevator music playing in background)

Oh yea…that was good!

Locker Room Fantasies

I was a little nervous visiting E at work, not sure what I could get away with and all. Her body was beautiful and she was so confident. Don’t let her fool you, her breasts may not be huge like mine but they are gorgeous in their own right. Incredibly relaxed after our swim and hot tub, we slid on into the sauna sat close in on the wood bench in the twilight, furtively smooching. Watching the sweat bead on her chest and neck in the sauna just about drove me crazy! I can’t wait to be the one to make her sweat. J

After the swim, she talked while she showered, leaving the curtain open for my enjoyment. I wanted to jump right in there with her, pushing her up against the wall and rubbing my breasts all over her. But I didn’t, for fear of giving a cardiac to the poor old ladies in the locker room. Our conversation was probably stimulating enough for them!

Next week I’m taking her for a picnic in the back of my van. Any ideas on romantic picnic food (of course Redi-whip, Lollie)? Or should I even bother bringing food…

Enjoyed You More

I was trembling with excitement as we drove across the street to the Wal-Mart parking lot. Watching eroticego get worked over by Ariel combined with the make out session in the bathroom had me unbelievably aroused. But there was no way I was going to let her drag me into the nasty Wal-Mart bathroom. So as soon as she parked the car I grabbed her and kissed her hard.

“God you are so gorgeous,” I murmured in her ear as her hands began to move across my body, “I have been waiting too long for this moment.” I tried to lean over into her lap but the emergency brake poked me in the ribs.

“Excuse my stick,” she said, giggling.

“Hey, you weren’t supposed to have one of those!” We kissed deeply and our hands were all over each other’s breasts. She caressed my tattoo and easily brought my nipples to attention. Feeling like quite the pro, I unsnapped her bra with one hand while cradling her breast in the other. I just wanted to look at her but I couldn’t stop kissing her soft skin in as many places as I could reach. I must have been dripping wet when her hand reached down into my pants.

“C’mon let’s climb in the back,” I said. She looked dubious but followed me into the back of her car. No holds barred with no stick shift between us, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on that clit piercing again! Both of us were breathless, she moaned as my lips closed over her nipple and my hand fiddled with her piercing, a barbell that seemed to make her clit scream, “Here I am, touch me!”

She stiffened as a pair of headlights crept slowly by us. “Oh, please keep going,” she said. They did but we were on alert now. Next thing we saw was the street sweeper.

“Damnit,” I muttered, knowing that he’d soon be all over the parking lot and catch us for sure. We fumbled to readjust our clothes and drove back to the strip club to retrieve my car. Our eyes met in an intense gaze and I smiled saying “I enjoyed the strip club, but I enjoyed you more.”

I arrived home to find my husband in bed. I kissed him and whispered, “I’m home, lover.” He threw back the sheet revealing an already erect cock. “Um, do you want me to brush my teeth?”

“Just hop on,” he said. Eroticego took care of the foreplay so I complied immediately and rode my way to a spectacular orgasm.

I went to bed feeling like I’d had my cake and eaten it too. Definitely one of the best evenings of my life. Just can’t wait to finish what E and I started. 😉

Busted in the Bathroom

Alright, I know everyone is just dying to know about our trip to a local strip club!  I was partially using the trip as a venue to lure poor innocent Silvercloudfire into some bathroom sex.  I figured I could count on there being few women there, which meant we might actually get the bathroom to ourselves for a large chunk of time.

Well, we ended up being the only fully clothed women in the place.  Most of the dancers were new and not the normal crowd that I had come to adore, so I had to search out a new crush.  It came in the form of a dancer named Ariel.  Some strippers completely ignore female clientele, and others eagerly seek our affections (or rather our money).  Ariel definitely had some affinity for women!  She seemed to delight in flirting with us, and particularly in taking our money and stuffing it in our bras and then removing it with her mouth.

This treatment got both of us worked up into a lather, of course, so there was nothing for it but to head to the bathroom.  Fortunately, we both had to pee first, or we would have been busted right away.  As we’re in adjoining stalls, both contentedly pissing, I see through a crack in stall door that the male bouncer has stepped into the ladies room.  I don’t know if he was expecting to bust up a lesbian sex scene or what!  We both just kept on peeing, though, and he left.  We washed our hands, while laughing about good timing.  Then of course we remembered why we had come to the bathroom in the first place.

We started making out.  I suspect Silver HAS, in fact, had sex in a bathroom before, as she hopped up on the sink like a pro, hardly giving a thought to germs.   Being the taller of the two of us, I stayed standing and buried my face in her breasts.  The new tattoo is really quite hot, particularly sans bra.  So there we are, smooching on the sink…I’m playing with her nipples, and she’s reaching into my pants in search of my clit piercing.  “Oh, I’ve never seen one of those,” she says.

Next thing we know, the door opens and in walks the bouncer again.  We all three stare at each other in the midst of the awkward moment.  Silver’s got her tits hanging out and her hands down my pants.  I give him a look like “What the fuck do YOU want?”  He glares back at me without saying a word and just shakes his head no.  Then he walks back out the door.  We tried to resume our activities, but the thought of getting interrupted again was a thrill kill.

We came back out into the club, and proceeded to watch more of the dancers, but we were now under the ever watchful eye of the bouncer.  After Ariel worked us up again, I leaned into Silver and whispered, “Hey, let’s go make out in the Super Wal-Mart bathroom right down the street!”