All Horny and No Where to Go

Here’s what sucks about polyamory…with two households that contain small kids, Silver and I are frequently in the bind of having no where to fuck.  When the weather is warmer, we’re out in the van.  We’ve gone to hotels…we’ve used other people’s houses…we’ve groped in public restrooms.  All that is fine and good, but I think her and would both agree that, after a while, it gets tiring to have to constantly look for a place to have sex.  I guess this is what teenagers have to deal with all the time 🙂

Last night we went out on the town.  She was all dressed up in black pants and a frilly top.  Under the frilly top was a new bra!  I get excited over new bras.  My first plan was to go to the lingerie store, and take over the corset changing room for about 20 minutes.  But alas, the store was closed!  Thwarted!

We drive over to the hookah bar (every town needs one of those) and start looking for a quiet corner over there.  All of the private areas were taken.  We threw our coats down on a large snuggle couch, and upon returning from the bar, discovered two horny 20-somethings had taken our couch.  Thwarted!  So we ended up on a couch in the middle of the room…across from two lesbians who were out with their chihuahua.  (Silver, if we ever go lesbian, let’s not buy a chihuahua and take it to bars with us…that just seemed tacky!  K?)

After groping on the couch for a while, we moved to the restroom.  Here I got a peek at the new bra!  We kissed a while and made a plan to make out in the car before another woman walked in on us.

We moved the car over to a remote parking lot behind the coffee shop where Silver works.  I’m always a bit nervous about getting spotted in the car, but Silver assured me that she knew the cops on this beat rather well.  “I’ll just offer to give them free coffee if they catch us, ” she said.

The van is SO much better for making out.  My car is a little Saturn stick shift.  We start kissing.  The emergency break got in the way.  I’m groping her breasts, and all the layers of winter clothing get in the way.  We couldn’t even find my crotch under the coat and thick corduroy pants that I was wearing!  So then the plan became that we’d just kiss for a while, as warm-up, and then each run home and fuck our husbands silly.

Again, the Universe was thwarting us last night…her husband ended up being doped up on cough syrup and mine was deep in the bowels of a grad school paper due Monday.  Silver, I hope you at least broke out the chick rocket or my purple penis.  I, for one, am taking an early lunch and heading to the steam room!  Look at James!

We crashed a lesbian ball!

Silver and I had quite an adventure on Saturday night…we snuck into a formal dance ball hosted by our town’s lesbian organization.  I would like to say we were making some kind of statement about the acceptance of bisexuals in the homosexual community, but really it was all about the clothes!  We wanted an excuse to dress up in gowns and parade around town like prom queens…and so we did!

The quest for dresses began several weeks ago.  Being thrifty MILFs, we started off at consignment shops, and then worked our way down to Goodwill.  Silver, being taller and bustier, had a much easier time finding a gown.  She bought two from Goodwill, in fact, and circulated pictures of herself in both, requesting input from everyone that she knew.  She ended up in a lovely pink dress with a small train to accent her butt.  I, on the other hand, being much shorter and sporting far less chest, had a tougher time finding something.  Why the night before the dance I was still pilfering through my closet!  I had resigned myself to a cute little black number, when I noticed the dreaded stains!

“Damn,”  I cursed to myself.  “Bodily fluids!  Who did I fuck in this dress?”  I couldn’t remember!  So rather than worry about it, I fucked my husband in it that night.

As fate would have it, though, I was downtown the following morning (the very morning of the dance!) and found another dress, complete with matching coat and shoes, at a Junior League store.  It was a long, purple bride’s maid gown.

We walked into the dance that evening quite pleased with how we looked.  I’ll admit I got a bit nervous about the whole operation as the butches started arriving in black tuxedos.  I kept expecting Al Pacino’s voice to yell for Vinny to come snuff out the two bisexual broads in prom gowns.  But of course that was just my overactive imagination!  They were all wonderful people, and we had quite a lovely evening dancing to Prince and eating Swedish meatballs.  We confessed our crime to the event organizer after she got sufficiently tipsy, and she really didn’t seem to mind at all!

So with a clear conscience and sore feet, we headed off to our hotel, where we capped off the night with some candles, champagne, and a really bubbly bubble bath!  (Honestly people, it’s not a good idea to dump half a bottle of bubble bath into a jacuzzi tub!  We had a hard time even finding each others’ pussies, the bubbles were so thick!)  Next time I think we’ll have sex first and THEN get in the jacuzzi.  For our next adventure, though, we’re going to a burlesque dance class hosted by a local lingerie store.  If all goes well, maybe we’ll both leave our jobs behind and hit the burlesque circuit…provided, of course, that the husbands can watch the kids while we’re away!

The Love Van Continues (it’s getting better folks!)

           The dreadlocked blur sat up and handed Joe his glasses.  He put them on, and let out a shriek at the sight of the black woman in front of him.  “My god, she’s fat!” he thought.

            “Who are you, and what are you doing in my van?” he asked.

            She grinned as if humoring him.  “The name’s Candy. For the past two days, I’ve been serving your tofu up at the Kitchen, love.  But I guess you were too busy looking at papers and talking to bums…”

            “Hey, Eric and Dave are not bums,” Joe interrupted her.  “They’re going to get published soon, you know.”

            She laughed with a deep voice, making her large breasts bounce.

            “Anyway,” he continued, “that doesn’t explain why you’re in my van…and naked.  Did we have sex last night?  I know I was pretty out of it from the pot.”

            She laughed louder.  “No, lover boy.  WE didn’t have sex.  I’m in your van because I’ve also been fucking your girlfriend for the past couple of days.  WE (she pointed to Missy) had sex last night.  YOU crawled your skinny ass up in between us around midnight.”

            “What?”  He looked at Missy.  She was sleeping very peacefully.  He poked her on the shoulder trying to wake her.

            “Oh honey, she had the ride of a life-time last night.  Trust me, she’s not waking up any time soon,” Candy laughed.

            “So…girlfriend invited me out to Colorado for that librarian convention.  Sounds like fun.  I’ve heard those librarians are real perverts!”

            “Libertarian.”

            “What?”

            “Libertarian convention.  Not librarian.”

            “Whatever.  Listen…Missy says I’ll love you after I get to know you.  I’m skeptical about that, but I’ll give it a shot for her sake.  Just don’t touch my stuff (she waved her arm around the van drawing his attention to the crystals, icons, and tapestries that had previously not been there), and as a gesture of good faith, I’ll let you fuck me.”

            Now it was his turn to laugh.  “No thanks,” he replied sarcastically.  “You are not my type.”

            “You’re not my type either, but I’m a Lea fan, too, so I’ll just stare up at the ceiling.  Damn that Carrie could wear a bikini!  It’s the chain that really makes her sexy, though.”

            “If this is supposed to motivate me, “ he started saying, stopping short as Candy grabbed his dick with a deep laugh.

            “Hmmm,” she mused.  “Never felt a real one before.”

            “What?”

            “I’m a lesbian, you twit.”

            “Lesbian…as in never had sex with a man before?”

            “That’s right,” she purred.  “But I’m hip with your librarian politics, so I’m willing to experiment.”  She stroked his dick a little harder. 

            Suddenly Candy didn’t look so fat to Joe.  “Well,” he thought, “this trip is supposed to be about freedom and exploration.  I’m sure Missy wouldn’t mind…I’ll mention it to her later.”