So I’m in the shower this morning, right, and I’m about to shave my bikini line, when “POOF”…this little hippie fairy appears on my shoulder out of nowhere. She stank a little like wet dreads, but I immediately recognized her as my Inner Hippie, otherwise known as Granola Girl.
“Peace, my sister,” she said. I was very relieved to be in the company of an inner voice that did NOT speak Chinese or call me Precious. “What are you about to do with that vile instrument of hair destruction?”
“Shave…what do you think?”
“Shaving destroys our sacred hair…not to mention giving us razor burn! Why do you persist in this unnatural act of self-abuse?”
“Sex, Granola Girl. It’s all about sex!!!! You know the hubbie prefers shaved armpits and legs, as well as a good trim on the old bush! I get more pussy lickin’ if I’m slickin’.”
“Oh stop with the slang. You know that annoys me. You are not listening to the voice of follicle liberation! Hair grows on our bodies for good reasons: warmth, protection, sanitation…and braiding. We must honor its presence!”
“Sanitation? Have you smelled your dreads lately, sister? You be one stinky little fairy! I’ll keep my short hair, thank you very much!”
“We are in the shower. What do you expect? I had to rush to the scene and stop you from vandalizing your bikini line yet again! If you’d just listen to me when we’re all herbal, then I wouldn’t have to get all wet.”
“I don’t have time to be herbal with you today. I’m planning on getting my pussy licked, so scram!” I tried shooing her away like an insect, but she stuck to the back of my hand with a squishy noise. “Yuck!” I exclaimed, and then shook her off and down the drain. “There’s tons of hair down there, sister!”
She’ll be back the next time I’m plucking my eyebrows…just you wait and see!
The Erotic Ego 